Courage and peace in the face of defeat

This is not an exaggerated tale of an old man finding courage and peace in the face of defeat. It does not involve an epic battle between an old man, a marlin and later sharks. Instead, it is simply a tale of an ordinary old man, accepting and finding peace as he loses his courageous fight with cancer.

Three years ago, as he was diagnosed with terminal non-small cell carcinoma in his lungs, the hopelessness and fear that emanated from his face will forever be etched into my memories. His prognosis was not good and the old man was initially given two years to live, but it then dwindled to a year and finally down to three months as he seemed to have lost hope and became burdened with the thoughts of death. However, just as everything seemed hopeless, he tried a new doctor and the doctor gave him a new anti-cancer drug. Soon, his condition stabilized and his cancer was eventually controlled; it was not cured, but for the time it was not spreading or growing. Instead of three months, the old man has now lived for three years.

But as it often is in life, all things must come to an end, and the old man's cancer now stopped responding to the medicine and the doctors had let him know that there is nothing left they could do for him and that he'll have three to four months left. I was saddened by the news and went to visit the old man. We talked about recent events, the Olympics, my plans for the future, and other things an old man would ask a young man. Unlike three years ago when he was told for the first time that he would have three months to live where he looked hopeless and defeated, something had changed about him. Three years later, as he was again told that he will have three to four months to live and this will probably be it because there's medically nothing more they can do to help him, hopelessness and defeat cannot be seen in his face. Instead, even with his hostile predicament, he exuded an air of serenity and peace that I've never seen in another human being before. It appears as though in the three years that medical science has afforded him, he has come to accept his condition and has come to peace with himself. And though he appears to have accepted his eventual defeat, there is such courage in his eyes as he awaits it.

He's no superhero, but gracefully and peacefully finding courage in the face of defeat requires an awful lot of valor and dignity. I have learned many lessons from this old man, but these are perhaps some of the most important ones in life.

Where's the cure for the bored and lonely?

Could I beg of myself the blame
maybe a little more -
stretch to my neck,
and I could see above it all.
Days go so slow,
I'm finding time with no devotion.

We prance around unfavorably,
where's the cure for
the bored and lonely.
If not for you,
there's no glory
in stargazing battles
of the bored and lonely.

Feel this night
an ending,
an entrance in sight
I know how to feel two circuits.

Saints and sinners

The stabbing and beheading of the young man on the Greyhound bus was indeed tragic and unnecessary. My condolences to the family and friends of the victim - no one deserves to go like that. The unfortunate event, however, has given me some reminders about life and society in general.

In the hours after the event took place with news spreading like wild fire, I saw the headlines on CBC's homepage. I'll admit that after reading it, I was enraged that something of this nature happened and I perceived the suspect as some sort of deranged monster that probably deserves to be treated the same way he treated his victim. Comment after comment in the comments area of the CBC page for this story spoke of capital punishment or how the suspect must be deranged. Reading these comments and due to the way the story was reported, I too began to feel like I was agreeing with the web users who had commented.

However, today when I read the developments of the story and there was a picture of the murderer dressed in a blue prisoner's vest with his head down walking out of the courthouse, it put the human aspect of the man back into my head. It made me remember that although this man is probably 100% guilty, we need to hear his story and see what his psychiatric assessment says. I reminded myself that I should not pass judgment on anyone before their story is heard, no matter how right or wrong it might be. The fact that the suspect looked like any other person that could be walking down the street made me remember something a wise old man once told me when I was a child:

"Everyone has the ability to be a monster or a savior, a saint or a sinner, the devil or Buddha. It is only the choices we make and how we control ourselves."

Although, we do not know the story until the investigation is completed, charges laid and the suspect tried, he might well be a normal person that just snapped. Even if that's not the case, we should be kind, loving and caring for one another to make sure nobody snaps. And if he does turn out to be someone who has mental illness, society should be better educated on mental illnesses so we can provide such individuals with the help they need in order to prevent such sad and disgusting acts.

Solar Plexus

For the past 6 weeks, every night as I have tried to fall asleep, I always thought the same thoughts. I've even had similar dreams for the past 6 weeks and more infrequently, the same dream for the past 4 years. Now that I live in the aftermath of having that dream shattered. As confused and unsure as I am about everything outside of academia, this was one of the only things I was never confused about, and yet this belief of mine is probably wrong. Oh life, why do you have to deal repeated blows to my head? Life always seems to happen like that, just when you start thinking "maybe everything will be alright now," it punches you in the solar plexus and you're left winded on the ground trying to pick yourself up.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

It really comes down to a simple choice. Get busy living or get busy dying...

forgive me dear, for I am a fool...

I like many who have come and gone before me, have had amazing people, love and happiness right under my nose yet have failed to recognize that in my quest to find whatever it is I'm looking for. The realization that we already have what we're looking for right before our very eyes often escape us...

Siddhartha said: "What could I say to you, Venerable One? Perhaps that you are seeking too hard? That you seek so hard that you do not find?"

"What do you mean?" asked Govinda.

"When someone seeks," said Siddhartha, "then it easily happens that his eyes see only the thing that he seeks, and he is able to find nothing, to take in nothing because he always thinks only about the thing he is seeking, because he has one goal, because he is obsessed with his goal. Seeking means having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal. You, Venerable One, may truly be a seeker, for, in striving toward your goal, you fail to see certain things that are right under your nose."

Caged birds...

Sometimes it makes me sad, the thought of you being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of me that knows it was a sin to lock them does rejoice, but still, the place I live in is just that much more drab and empty with them gone. I think I'll just miss you...

Climate Change, Carbon Taxes, Global Warming, Greenshifts...

All of the above reminds me of "Child of Dust"

Dear prodigal, you are my son and I
supplied you not your spirit, but your shape.
All Eden's wealth arrayed before your eyes;
I fathomed not you wanted to escape.

And though I only ever gave you love,
like every child you've chosen to rebel.
Uprooted flowers and filled the holes with blood;
Ask not for whom they toll, the solemn bells.

A child of dust, to mother now return;
For every seed must die before it grows.
And though above the world may toil and turn,
No prying spades will find you here below.

Now safe beneath their wisdom and their feet,
Here I will teach you truly how to sleep.

Salvation lies within...

Today I came across a blog entry on the CBC about how it's the end of the road for Hillary Clinton's bid for the Democratic presidential candidacy after her loss in North Carolina. I think one of the comments to the blog was better than anything I've read covering the primaries. The author of the comment wrote:

"Oh fellow Americans - we all want hope. But that comes from within ourselves - no one can give it to us - NOT OBAMA, NOT HILARY NOR MC CAIN. Hope in someone else isn't going to feed your families or prevent you from losing your income or for that matter making more income, hope isn't going to stop the outrageous government spending, etc. Hope is necessary, but instead of putting all your hopes in another person - you may want to put it into yourselves."

I suppose this as true in today's troubled world as it was back in the early days of humankind before there were Gods or organized systems of government. The comment reminded me of the phrase "Salvation lies within.", and made me think of how true it is today. In good times or bad times, salvation lies within ourselves, we should not hope for the government to make everything better for us. As the author of the comment pointed out, you might as well put hope in yourself and save yourself like Andy Dufresne in the Shawshank Redemption.

Hypocrites and their pseudo-environmentalism

I was fortunate enough to have friends in different cities who helped organized bits and pieces of the Earth Hour event, so they deserve a pat on the back for activism and raising awareness for global warming and energy conservation. However, this is not the reason I'm writing today. I'm not here to criticize the event itself or the organizers who had no control over this issue at all.

What I'm talking about are the bandwagon-jumping hypocrites that tried to, dare I use the term, 'harass' others into dimming their lights with them. Although I give them credit for participating in the event, the hypocrites that harassed me relentlessly to turn off my lights had totally missed the point about the event and in some ways only participated to assuage their guilt for their massive energy consumption and carbon footprints.

The harassment came in many forms, including but not limited to, e-mail, MSN messages, Facebook messages, even text messages. What bothered me the most though, was the content of the messages that I received and it gave me the idea that they totally missed the point about the event while crucifying others that for whatever reason did not participate. One such message was so blatantly stupid and littered with signs of bandwagon jumping that I was disgusted.

"Dim the lights! ... David Suzuki will be proud."

When did making David Suzuki proud have anything to do with energy conservation? That's totally besides the point. The Earth's environment is what we're all trying to conserve, not David Suzuki's ego.

The aftermath of the whole thing was sickening. One such individual that harassed me about Earth Hour had glorified herself as an environmentalist due to her participation when she did not realize her own hypocrisy since she has no interest in public transportation and drives everywhere by herself. It is comical how this individual crucified people who did not turn off their lights for that one hour when she chooses to live a nocturnal lifestyle which ironically means she wakes up at night and ends up turning all her lights on when everyone else would be asleep with their lights off.

The point of this rant is that you can't turn off your lights for an hour one day in a year at 8pm and tell yourself you're helping the planet out while hopping in your 300hp SUV, driving everywhere when you could just as easily take public transportation. That's just hypocrisy and it makes me sick. The point of Earth Hour was to raise awareness, and considering the number of people that jumped on the bandwagon it seems to have achieved that goal. So now that you have the awareness, you're supposed to change your lifestyles to do your part to help the environment. If we sincerely want to help out with environmental conservation we each need to do our part and that isn't jumping on a bandwagon to lessen your guilt when you drive anywhere or over-consume.

And helping the environment includes, but is not limited to, some simple lifestyle changes that aren't overly inconvenient:

• Replace all your incandescent light bulbs (at least the ones you use most often) with compact fluorescent light bulbs.

• Washing your clothes with COLD WATER.

• Reduce air conditioning use in the summer and reduce heating in the winter by dressing warmly.

• Turn off all electronics when not using them.

• Unplug electronics if you will not be using them again for a while.

• Dry your clothes on a clothesline instead of using the dryer. I think clothes smell better when they've been sun dried :P.

• Use less hot water - ie. when washing dishes or install a low-flow shower head.

• Install a programmable thermostat to turn off your heater or air conditioner during the day when no one is home. If you don't want to install a programmable thermostat, you could also turn off your air conditioning or heater every morning before you leave to work or school.

• Recycle and reuse AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Manufacturing requires electricity and many of our products are manufactured in parts of the world where electricity is generated from coal-fire power plants.

• Buy recycled paper products. This reduces the number of trees that need to be cut and helps maintain photosynthesis which gives us oxygen and converts carbon dioxide into biomass.

• Think global, EAT LOCAL. Support local farm markets and buy locally grown goods, this way it cuts down on the transportation required to ship the food. A good book to read about this is 100-Mile Diet: A year of local eating by two local Vancouverites James MacKinnon and Alisa Smith.

• Walk or take public transportation whenever possible.

• If you must drive, make sure your tires are properly inflated to the right pressure.

• RECYCLE ELECTRONICS AND OLD BATTERIES PROPERLY. THEY DO NOT BELONG IN THE GARBAGE, AS MANY CIRCUIT BOARDS CONTAIN TOXIC MATERIALS.

That's all I could think of off the top of my head.

You could also write your local, provincial and federal government letters to get them to enforce strict emission laws.

If you really want to help the planet, those are the things you can do and I could honestly say I've done all that I've listed above, including writing the letters.

Saving the planet requires more than one simple act for one hour.

... oh one more thing. Please don't go around crucifying people who for one reason or another didn't participate in some token event when they do more than you ever have, and this extends beyond environmentalism. Damn hypocrites.