Courage and peace in the face of defeat

This is not an exaggerated tale of an old man finding courage and peace in the face of defeat. It does not involve an epic battle between an old man, a marlin and later sharks. Instead, it is simply a tale of an ordinary old man, accepting and finding peace as he loses his courageous fight with cancer.

Three years ago, as he was diagnosed with terminal non-small cell carcinoma in his lungs, the hopelessness and fear that emanated from his face will forever be etched into my memories. His prognosis was not good and the old man was initially given two years to live, but it then dwindled to a year and finally down to three months as he seemed to have lost hope and became burdened with the thoughts of death. However, just as everything seemed hopeless, he tried a new doctor and the doctor gave him a new anti-cancer drug. Soon, his condition stabilized and his cancer was eventually controlled; it was not cured, but for the time it was not spreading or growing. Instead of three months, the old man has now lived for three years.

But as it often is in life, all things must come to an end, and the old man's cancer now stopped responding to the medicine and the doctors had let him know that there is nothing left they could do for him and that he'll have three to four months left. I was saddened by the news and went to visit the old man. We talked about recent events, the Olympics, my plans for the future, and other things an old man would ask a young man. Unlike three years ago when he was told for the first time that he would have three months to live where he looked hopeless and defeated, something had changed about him. Three years later, as he was again told that he will have three to four months to live and this will probably be it because there's medically nothing more they can do to help him, hopelessness and defeat cannot be seen in his face. Instead, even with his hostile predicament, he exuded an air of serenity and peace that I've never seen in another human being before. It appears as though in the three years that medical science has afforded him, he has come to accept his condition and has come to peace with himself. And though he appears to have accepted his eventual defeat, there is such courage in his eyes as he awaits it.

He's no superhero, but gracefully and peacefully finding courage in the face of defeat requires an awful lot of valor and dignity. I have learned many lessons from this old man, but these are perhaps some of the most important ones in life.

Where's the cure for the bored and lonely?

Could I beg of myself the blame
maybe a little more -
stretch to my neck,
and I could see above it all.
Days go so slow,
I'm finding time with no devotion.

We prance around unfavorably,
where's the cure for
the bored and lonely.
If not for you,
there's no glory
in stargazing battles
of the bored and lonely.

Feel this night
an ending,
an entrance in sight
I know how to feel two circuits.

Saints and sinners

The stabbing and beheading of the young man on the Greyhound bus was indeed tragic and unnecessary. My condolences to the family and friends of the victim - no one deserves to go like that. The unfortunate event, however, has given me some reminders about life and society in general.

In the hours after the event took place with news spreading like wild fire, I saw the headlines on CBC's homepage. I'll admit that after reading it, I was enraged that something of this nature happened and I perceived the suspect as some sort of deranged monster that probably deserves to be treated the same way he treated his victim. Comment after comment in the comments area of the CBC page for this story spoke of capital punishment or how the suspect must be deranged. Reading these comments and due to the way the story was reported, I too began to feel like I was agreeing with the web users who had commented.

However, today when I read the developments of the story and there was a picture of the murderer dressed in a blue prisoner's vest with his head down walking out of the courthouse, it put the human aspect of the man back into my head. It made me remember that although this man is probably 100% guilty, we need to hear his story and see what his psychiatric assessment says. I reminded myself that I should not pass judgment on anyone before their story is heard, no matter how right or wrong it might be. The fact that the suspect looked like any other person that could be walking down the street made me remember something a wise old man once told me when I was a child:

"Everyone has the ability to be a monster or a savior, a saint or a sinner, the devil or Buddha. It is only the choices we make and how we control ourselves."

Although, we do not know the story until the investigation is completed, charges laid and the suspect tried, he might well be a normal person that just snapped. Even if that's not the case, we should be kind, loving and caring for one another to make sure nobody snaps. And if he does turn out to be someone who has mental illness, society should be better educated on mental illnesses so we can provide such individuals with the help they need in order to prevent such sad and disgusting acts.